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Sunday Inspirations~ Blessings

So, as it usually happens with me when I commit to doing something on an ongoing basis I start to struggle.  And I know this is only the second of these posts, but in general I have made a committment to update my blog more often than once every couple of months. My blog started out as a place that I could go and type out and vent my frustrations.  Most of them I didn’t actually post, they were private and if posted could have hurt me and others.  But believe me some of them I really wanted to post so that they would hurt others. Because I was hurting.

So today I really struggled with what to write about for my Sunday inspirations post.  I want these to not only be an encouragement and blessing to you but I want them to be that to me as well.  I like to use my blog as a journal of my growth in my relationships~ with my husband, my kids, my friends, my church and most importantly with Christ.  I can look at my blog and see where things didn’t always look good or go the way I wanted them to and I can see how I responded and how I grew.  And it’s not always good. But even in the bad times and the times of backward growth, I can see that God was there. Always. No exceptions.

So while I struggled to write this post I knew what I wanted to write about.  My main struggle was how much do I share, how deep do I go.  You see, I am relatively a private person; I don’t like to share my struggles, downfalls, or sin with people.  Some of it is because I have been hurt. I have had my struggles, downfalls, and my sin used against me; spread around like dandelions in the wind for everyone to see.  And it is hard to get past that.  But I know I need to. I need to share and I need to be real and honest with those around me.  Its how relationships are built and maintained; its how you know I really care for you and the same for me.

So here is my inspiration for today~ Blessings

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. ” James 1:2-3

How do you count it all joy when you are facing the trials that life throws at you?  I don’t have all the answers and I am sure there are times that I fail at showing joy through my trials.  But I think the main way to do so is to stay focused on the fact that Christ is in control at all times!  There is nothing that ever takes Him by surprise! And I am so glad for that.  Ok, so here is the song that has really made me start thinking about this and wanting to share with you.

I have fallen in love with this song that I was first introduced to by my sister, Ashlee.  I have sat and listened to it at least a hundred times and I have probably cried through at least 90% of them.  The lyrics just reach in and touch something in me, something that knows the truth behind them in my own life.  The chorus is probably the part that really gets me every time.

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?
What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

I know that I am not the only one that has experienced trials or testing in my life.  And I know there are those out there that have suffered far more and far worse than I have.  But I know that raindrops do conceal blessings, healing does come through tears and all those sleepless nights have helped me draw closer and rely on Christ more.  And those trials, the things I really don’t want to go through or like, they have been God’s great mercy in disguise.  I can not tell you of the things I have prayed for and wanted so bad that He has kept from me only later for me to realized that they would have been disastrous if He had allowed me to have them!  I am so glad that God knows the outcome of every situation in my life and allows me to experience certain things to keep from other things.  I heard it said once, just because it is a good thing doesn’t mean it is a God thing!  How true that is!

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can’t satisfy?

This part of the song always makes me stop and reflect on one of the hardest and darkest times of my life.  The time that I miscarried.  That was probably one of the hardest things I have ever experienced and went through.  Even harder than leaving my too little baby girl in the NICU, not knowing if the phone would ring in the middle of that night telling us she didn’t make it.  Even harder than struggling with the inability to conceive for 6 1/2 years while wanting a baby so bad that each month brought new heartbreak.  And even harder than having people and friends believe lies told about my husband and my family and having them turn their backs and walk away.  After that miscarriage, my life was in a dark, dark place.  I was so sad, angry and bitter about almost everything in my life.  Nothing that my husband said or did was good enough.  No advice that friends gave helped at all and some of it was just bad and made the hurt even worse.  I couldn’t find the words to pray and honestly at times I didn’t want to at all.  I was mad~ at myself, at Josh, at the doctors and at God.  Believe me, God and I had some not so good conversations; that is when I could even find words to say.  It took a little while for me to come around.  I suffered from a huge depression and I felt like I was never going to find my way out.  I knew that some of the things I felt weren’t good, but I couldn’t figure out how to get around them and make it better.  But you know what?  That great disappointment and hurt did lead me to a great thirst.  And it was a thirst that only God could satisfy.  The hurt and anger I felt was directed at God (whether right or wrong) but it also lead me to study His word deeper and turn to it more often than I had been before.  It made me want to know more about God and what is word had to say. Not only to me in this time but in general; it made me feel like I knew Him better. And I did because I was spending so much time with Him; in His word and in conversation with Him.  I found hope and the answers I needed in Him, hope and answers that I wasn’t getting from those around me.

I don’t have all the answers, heck I am sure I don’t even have 10% of the answers.  And I sure don’t pretend that I know God’s will for my life or for anyone elses for that matter.  But what I do know is that He wants me to live life, worship Him and seek to bring glory to His name in all I do.  And I do know that during some of the darkest, stormiest nights is where I have found God’s greatest mercies and blessings.

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. ” James 1:2-3

So are you facing a dark and rainy night? How can I pray for you during this time?  Tell me, let me come along beside you and lift you up.

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