family · life · pain


This is not an easy post to right and neither is it one of the hardest that I have written.  But it is very emotional for me.  Its about my mom.  She is and has always been one of my best friends.  I am so lucky that we have always shared a very close relationship and although there have been some pretty tough times in our lives and even between us, that hasn’t changed.  I love her so very much and am so thankful that God allowed me to have her as my mom.  I really wouldn’t change a thing about my life.

Back before Christmas, I got a phone call from one of my friends from high school who still ives in the town I grew up in and is now a nurse at the local hospital.  She was calling to tell me that my was in the hospital and that they wer transferring her to a larger hospital in the city nearby.  She said it wasn’t serious but I did need to call her and she gave me the number to that hospital.  I waited about an hour so that they would have time to get her there and settled in.  Finally when I talked to her she said that for a couple of weeks now her stomach had been hurting and she had started coughing up blood and having blood in her stools.  The doctors felt that she had an ulcer or upper GI bleed, so they were going to take a look.  She said she was fine just not feeling to well.  So I let her go and then called back the next day to find out what was going on.

They met with the doctors and it was decided that they would cauterzie the ulcer and that would stop the bleeding and when it healed it would be fine.  So they did that, she came through fine and all was well and she was released after a couple of days.  Fast forward to Christmas, we went to visit.  I could tell she still wasn’t herself.  She was very pale and very tired.  She said that she was still having pains although she was following her diet guidelines and such.  So she figured she would go back to the doctor again. And she had started to cough up blood again.

She went back to the doctor and explained all of it.  They took another look and told her that the cauterization didn’t work and it wasn’t healing that was why she was still bleeding and having pain.  So it was determined that she would need to have surgery to remove the part of her stomach that had the ulcer on it.  The surgery was scheduled and they went in and removed part of her stomach with the ulcer.  She came out of the surgery and was in a lot of pain as you can imagine. She was in the hospital for quite a while recovering.  And even when she went home she was still in pain from the surgery but was already starting to feel so much better.  Even friends of mine that I talked to that had seen her said she looked so much better than before.

Well, she had a follow up appointment last Friday with her doctor.  I guess she didn’t know it but the doctor had sent the ulcer off for futher testing although he didn’t think it would come back as anything. (I think it is standard procedure to do so) He told mom at the appointment that it was not an ulcer that they removed from her stomach but was actaully a tumor and it could be cancerous.  So she was scheduled for further testing today.

When mom called me to tell me that she had a cancerous tumor and that she had to go for more testing, I really felt like someone punched me. I don’t tend to go to extremes with my thoughts and I know Who is in control of all things, but this was my mom.  And I didn’t want to lose her.  Especially not know that I finally lived so close to her again and could see her pretty much whenever I wanted. (We recently moved within 2 hours of her after living over 16 hours away for 9 years).

So I prayed and told God that I was afraid of losing my mom and that I really didn’t want to lose her.  But I knew that if He chose to take her home (my mom knows the Lord as her Savior) then I would be ok and make it through and I would understand that He had a greater plan.  One of the passages of scripture that I was drawn was this one:

Now if you are ready at the time you hear the sound of the horn, flute, harp, lyre, and psaltery, in symphony with all kinds of music, and you fall down and worship the image which I have made, good! But if you do not worship, you shall be cast immediately into the midst of a burning fiery furnace. And who is the god who will deliver you from my hands?” 
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. 
But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.”
~Daniel 3:15-18

My favorite part is when they tell King Nebuchadnezzar that God will deliver them but if not, they still would not worship the golden image or his gods.  That became my pray, Lord please let my mom be cancer free and live, but ifnot, i will still serve You.  This was the second time in my life that this scripture has come into my prayer life.  The first was when my daughter (who is now 9) was just a day old baby and fighting for life in the NICU.  I believe that understanding that God is soverieng and in control of everything and through every circumstance is key to “surviving” or “handling” that circumstance.  Does it make it any less hard or difficult, maybe but maybe not.  But it allows you to go through that circumstance with a peace that is not understood by the world and sometimes by other believers.  It allows you to handle those circumstances and situations and the people involved differently.

We got a text message from mom about 45 minutes ago. My mom has Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.  I don’t know what kind or what stage it is in.  I do know that she will be beginning Chemotherapy treaments every 3 weeks for 6 to 7 months.  She also has to have a Bone Marrow test done next Thursday.  I don’t know how it will effect her but I have heard the horror stories of how people are effected.  But I do know that God is in control and on the throne. And I know that I will be there with her through it, praying for her and loving her.  And if the time comes that I have to say goodbye because of the cancer, then I will pray that God gives me the strenght to be strong for her and be an encouragement and witness to my family that does not know the Lord as their Savior.

Please pray for my mom as she walks this path.  Also pray for her husband and my brothers who do not have a realtionship with Christ, that this will draw them closer to Him.  Also pray for the doctors that they have the wisdom that is needed.  And pray for me to have the strength and emotional peace that I need to help my mom and be a witness to my brothers and my mothers husband.



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